My husband loves to talk. His nickname on the high school basketball team was the Philosopher and it still suits him to this day. It’s one of the things I love about him and one of the items on the long list of reasons why I married him. He also loves to listen and reflect on what you are thinking. He can always find ways to relate. Today was no different. He called us on his way home from work. We had him on speaker while I was making dinner and our little one was munching on a mini bagel appetizer. The topic of his ride home was centered on corporate bull shit– having to pretend to be something you aren’t just to get ahead in life. We both pride ourselves on being very open, raw, and honest. You get what you get with us. A coworker of his was genuinely impressed with how he managed to stick to his ideals while working in the corporate world. (another reason on the list..)

This got me thinking. I’ve been focusing a lot on the fact that I will not be working at the same school next year. More so on the fact that they didn’t do much, actually anything, to brainstorm options for me. It was kindergarten or nothing. It got me reflecting on the kind of job I’ve done this year. Yes, this was the hardest year of my life to be a teacher. Learning how to be a mom, managing second grade in a private school, living far from all of our family, mastitis a couple hundred times (ok, about 6 times but if you’ve ever had it, you can surely relate to my exaggeration), a croupy baby for almost the entire month of October and trying to be present in the moment was a lot to handle. As the year progressed, my skills as a mom and a teacher improved. I was on a great path and I am so proud that, even in the midst of hospital visits with my son, my students always kept progressing and moving forward with their learning. Here’s the realization I came to today as I wondered why other colleagues of mine were having their dreams and goals met with strategic plans by our administration– the one thing that really changed as a teacher was that I had to carefully pick and choose what I was present for. In the past, I was happy to spend extra time chatting with coworkers in the teacher break room, stay late to grab drinks or dinner, bring coffee to a coworker in the morning.. this has changed. I wasn’t a social colleague anymore. My priorities are really clear, my son and my students. In order to be the best mom, I have to plan every single minute of my work day and utilize every one of them. Of course I would stop, smile, ask how my peers were doing and occasionally get lost in a fun discussion about the weather or our favorite Netflix shows. I was always kind, just less outgoing because I was always on a mission. I am always on a mission. If I missed my opportunity to do something during the school day, I would have to stay up late that night or have my teacher hat on while playing with my son before bedtime. Surely I am not the only new mom who has had to make some adjustments at work to balance being a working mom. I am just surprised that being surrounded by several colleagues of mine who have families, that this would play a factor in my worthiness as a teacher, as an employee. Before I had my son, I was happy to give my nights, early mornings, even weekend time to work. That has changed and I am surprised that our small school is starting to take on the characteristics seen in that of the corporate world, where too often women are made to feel that they can’t do it all. Schools should be different.. where our goal is to always make sure our students are moving forward in their learning. I have always done just that and more but I am somehow left out of the chance to see my professional goals through because I am being held back by a child. It seems too ridiculous to type or say out loud. I have to leave it right there as I am still pretty baffled about it.